I think we all are constantly trying to become better people. We want to make our lives better, but in doing so, we also make the lives of the people around us better. Becoming a better person isn't just for us, it's for everyone in the worlds we live in each day. For our friends, our spouses, our children, our churches, our neighbors, our employees, the grocery store clerk...the list goes on.
I recently had a conversation with a dear friend who asked me some tough questions, about herself. It took me off guard, how often does someone become so vulnerable to ask those around them how they can improve, and mean it?
"I would love for you to chew on these questions and let me know your honest opinion on how I can improve," she said with conviction and honesty. It took me by so much surprise, that I am still chewing on this a few days later.
The thing about friendship, I'm uncovering, is that once you finally understand someone; What makes them happy, what makes them tick, what they are saying between the lines, and what bothers them...you ultimately accept and embrace them for their quirks. We love them through it all, because that's friendship. But when they ask for you to point out flaws, it feels like you have to replay all those memories that hit you weird, or that sat funny in your heart. But out of love, you never said anything. Because they are your friend, you love them. Your mind and heart automatically keep it inside to protect them.
When you've seen your friend hurt by words from others or devastated from how someone treated them, (after you sat on the couch and consoled them), the last thing you want to do is bring up how THEY could have been 'better' in those situations.
But, nonetheless, I'm here, still chewing on her questions.
Although I have come up with a few things to discuss with this friend, I cannot help but be self-reflective as well. If we are all always trying to become better people, why aren't we constantly asking close friends questions like these? Why are we so arrogant and independent to think that we can figure it out on our own? Why is it that when a friend comes to me with questions such as this, that I'm so thrown off? If we truly are trying to be better at life, we shouldn't be so afraid to ask...
I think we are afraid to ask because we are afraid of what the responses will be. We hate hearing our flaws. We become defensive and conjure up 5 reasons why we are that way... "well, it all stems back to my childhood when _________ happened," we say. And while our experiences most definitely shape us into who we become as adults, they also are not an excuse to behave in an ill-manner, especially towards others.
So, while I'm chewing on this question posed to me from quite an incredibly vulnerable and inspiring friend, I encourage you (and myself)....maybe it's time to put aside your defenses and find a safe person and ask, "How can I improve in life...in my actions...in my words...in my attitude?" The fact that you are putting aside your fear of what the response may be already makes you a better person in my book!
Let's move forward in life...daily striving to be better people and asking hard questions. This world could use 'better' people.
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